A good friend of mine sent me a interesting video via twitter (shoutout to @xeyxey) which brought up all these assumptions that people put on women (and men) who chose to wear their hair in its natural state. Check out the video here:
http://bit.ly/9Se9tt
Good stuff, right?! If you are natural you know EXACTLY how she feels.
Here are my thoughts:
1. "People take it upon themselves to tell you what you like better."
So true. I.E. A couple of weeks ago I straightened my hair (which I rarely do) and it was pretty long. It was running pass my shoulders and in the back it may have been bra strap length. Anywho, I got kinds of men turning heads, compliments from family members telling me, "Oh your hair looks great like that. I like your hair better when its straight." Or my personal fave: "I didn't know your hair was THAT long." Umm yeah, natural hair shrinks. Like my friend said you always feel like you have to PROVE to people that your hair is a certain length to prove to people that natural hair grows or some shit. As for the men giving me attention I kept wondering to myself, "Would they give me the time of day if my hair were in twists, or if it wasn't in a puff, or afro?" Probably not. But that's perfectly fine. I have a husband who accepts me either way I wear my hair.
2. "People call me "sista" all the time."
oooookkkkkkaaaayyyy?! This is the one I probably hate the most. I have heard SOOOOO many times that people think I'm militant, pro black, anti white, earth goddess that burns incense that smell like patchouli and I listen to Jill Scott and India.Aria all day. wTf? Now don't get me wrong I love Jill and India but I also have Coldplay, Def Lepard, Colbie Caillat, Boston, and Goo Goo Dolls on the Ipod. I do know about Assata Shakur, Angela Davis, Huey Newton, Eldridge Cleaver, etc. But I also know about Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert (and more than they were assassinated). Yep, I use shea butter but I love victoria secret lotions too. No I don't own a dashiki. I love cardigans, cute flats, and khakis. I am a "sista" but so is the young lady that choose to wear a relaxer. Thanks for the "respect" but a simple hello will do.
3. "Everybody don't have the type of hair to go natural."
I get sick of that, too. What type of hair is "good enough" to go natural? I had that mindset, too. I thought you had to have hair like Cree Summers or Jasmine Guy to go natural. Chile, please (c) Chad Ochocinco. That's the beauty of being DIFFERENT. Of course, I would love to have hair like that but I don't. My hair is thick, coarse, and I have about 3 different textures that consist of s shaped to Z shaped on this beautiful head of mine. And I rock the sh*t out of it. Stop being ashamed of what God bless you with...that's right BLESSED you with. You too can go natural. If you want to go natural and you don't want to do it cause your hair doesn't look a certain way...get over that quickly. Your hair may NEVER look like Tracy Ellis Ross and you know what...that's okay. The main thing you want to achieve is HEALTHY hair. Damn your preconceived notions. Check out blogs and you tube channels for people who have a similar hair texture. See what products they use or if you someone that is natural ask them what they use.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
All Good Things Must Come to an End.....
I have a little over a month left. My 4 months of maternity leave will be over the end of November. Time really does go by.
I have been telling my colleagues, my friends, and family that I am ready to return to work and in a way I am. One of my job duties is to encourage women to breastfeed and if they decide I am to help with them with issues that they might have with breastfeeding. Since I, myself is still breastfeeding I can't wait to give my testimony have how in the beginning how difficult it was for me but I stuck with it. It's really easy now. But I digress...
Now that I am getting closer to that time, I am going to miss my son something terribly. I tear up just thinking about it. Yet, although it was HELLA difficult in the first few weeks of his life but by the time my son got to 6 weeks old it became a lot easier (just as people keep telling me). He fell into a bit of schedule (which I must be lucky) and I can tell what he want by his cries. Plus, as a new mother you have to accept that some days you will feel like superwoman and other days you can't wait till the day is over and yes...it's perfectly fine.
I do appreciate that I will be able to spend 4 months of quality time with the bambino where as most women get MUCH less. I would have been a complete wreck if I had to come back at 6 weeks. I finally felt like "myself" again, I had just stopped bleeding, and bambino was FAR from sleeping thru the night. There is no way I would have been productive. So I can imagine that MANY other women experience the exact same scenario. But yet we (women) still trudge through.
This is so unfair to me especially when I read that other countries give women 1 year PAID maternity leave. Yet in America we only get 6 weeks off and sometimes those 6 weeks are UNPAID. What kinda choice is that? FMLA allows women and men at least 3 months of unpaid leave off and that's great...but America still have a long way as far as maternity leave.
So I am going to really enjoy my time off with my son because many other women would love to have it.
I have been telling my colleagues, my friends, and family that I am ready to return to work and in a way I am. One of my job duties is to encourage women to breastfeed and if they decide I am to help with them with issues that they might have with breastfeeding. Since I, myself is still breastfeeding I can't wait to give my testimony have how in the beginning how difficult it was for me but I stuck with it. It's really easy now. But I digress...
Now that I am getting closer to that time, I am going to miss my son something terribly. I tear up just thinking about it. Yet, although it was HELLA difficult in the first few weeks of his life but by the time my son got to 6 weeks old it became a lot easier (just as people keep telling me). He fell into a bit of schedule (which I must be lucky) and I can tell what he want by his cries. Plus, as a new mother you have to accept that some days you will feel like superwoman and other days you can't wait till the day is over and yes...it's perfectly fine.
I do appreciate that I will be able to spend 4 months of quality time with the bambino where as most women get MUCH less. I would have been a complete wreck if I had to come back at 6 weeks. I finally felt like "myself" again, I had just stopped bleeding, and bambino was FAR from sleeping thru the night. There is no way I would have been productive. So I can imagine that MANY other women experience the exact same scenario. But yet we (women) still trudge through.
This is so unfair to me especially when I read that other countries give women 1 year PAID maternity leave. Yet in America we only get 6 weeks off and sometimes those 6 weeks are UNPAID. What kinda choice is that? FMLA allows women and men at least 3 months of unpaid leave off and that's great...but America still have a long way as far as maternity leave.
So I am going to really enjoy my time off with my son because many other women would love to have it.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Good Baby or Bad Baby
Stranger: "Awww, your baby is so cute and he's knocked out!"
Me: "Thanks. Usually when he gets in the car, he falls right on to sleep."
Stranger: "He must be a good baby"
Me: *puzzled* "Uhhh, I guess."
For those of you who have children, have you heard this phrase "good baby" before? Have you even found yourself using this phrase? I know I have used it PLENTY of times but now that I have a child, I want to look a bit deeper into this phenomenon. What the hell does 'good baby or bad baby' mean?
I have a 2 month old and most of us know at this age all they do is eat, burp, sleep, and poop (and not in that order, sometimes). When babies need these things...they usually cry. If you are a first time parent, not familiar with babies, or need a revision course in babies it take you a minute to figure out which "cry" needs tending (and even if you are familiar you it still may take you a minute) Now some babies cry even after all these needs have been met so does this make a baby a "black sheep of all babies" and he needs discipline to get his cry in check? Of course not. It just means some babies have "higher needs" than other babies and cry a little more than others. That doesn't make the baby is "a rebel" to society and will be doomed forever with bad conduct; it just means they require more attention. But us damn adults.... if we don't understand it then it must be "bad." If we don't have the patience enough to deal with it....its bad. If it doesn't fit into our "perfect little world" its bad.
Yes, just like all babies my baby cries and sometimes I become VERY frustrated when I can't figure out what the hell is wrong. Then I remember...babies cry. That's how they communicate something is wrong and just because I can't figure it out doesn't make my son "bad." It just means I don't know what he's communicating and I have to be diligent in finding a solution to his needs. That is all. Once I have that thought to myself...most of the time usually figure out what is wrong. Other times I'm not as successful and I go close the door to my bedroom and scream. Come back to the bambino and I start over again. I NEVER just let him cry...despite what you heard you can't spoil a newborn. They need to be comforted. This how they learn trust and security. You do more damage by ignoring than tending to them; if you don't believe me check this link out: http://www.whattoexpect.com/baby-behavior/spoil-a-newborn.aspx
So next time you find yourself wanting to ask someone do they have a good baby or bad baby...refrain. There is no such thing. Its complete bullshit.
Me: "Thanks. Usually when he gets in the car, he falls right on to sleep."
Stranger: "He must be a good baby"
Me: *puzzled* "Uhhh, I guess."
For those of you who have children, have you heard this phrase "good baby" before? Have you even found yourself using this phrase? I know I have used it PLENTY of times but now that I have a child, I want to look a bit deeper into this phenomenon. What the hell does 'good baby or bad baby' mean?
I have a 2 month old and most of us know at this age all they do is eat, burp, sleep, and poop (and not in that order, sometimes). When babies need these things...they usually cry. If you are a first time parent, not familiar with babies, or need a revision course in babies it take you a minute to figure out which "cry" needs tending (and even if you are familiar you it still may take you a minute) Now some babies cry even after all these needs have been met so does this make a baby a "black sheep of all babies" and he needs discipline to get his cry in check? Of course not. It just means some babies have "higher needs" than other babies and cry a little more than others. That doesn't make the baby is "a rebel" to society and will be doomed forever with bad conduct; it just means they require more attention. But us damn adults.... if we don't understand it then it must be "bad." If we don't have the patience enough to deal with it....its bad. If it doesn't fit into our "perfect little world" its bad.
Yes, just like all babies my baby cries and sometimes I become VERY frustrated when I can't figure out what the hell is wrong. Then I remember...babies cry. That's how they communicate something is wrong and just because I can't figure it out doesn't make my son "bad." It just means I don't know what he's communicating and I have to be diligent in finding a solution to his needs. That is all. Once I have that thought to myself...most of the time usually figure out what is wrong. Other times I'm not as successful and I go close the door to my bedroom and scream. Come back to the bambino and I start over again. I NEVER just let him cry...despite what you heard you can't spoil a newborn. They need to be comforted. This how they learn trust and security. You do more damage by ignoring than tending to them; if you don't believe me check this link out: http://www.whattoexpect.com/baby-behavior/spoil-a-newborn.aspx
So next time you find yourself wanting to ask someone do they have a good baby or bad baby...refrain. There is no such thing. Its complete bullshit.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Welcome ladies and gents to the B. Reed show......wait, is this thing on?
Hello all!!
I have been fighting this idea for a while now. Blog or not to blog. That is the question. I've always enjoyed writing and when I was teen it was the forum I used to express myself. As I got older and life "happened," I got away from writing. But recently, I was watching the interview Oprah did with J.K. Rowling (the author of all the Harry Potter books) it made me want to go back to the pen and paper. So here I am. I hope to have more followers and people love to hear what I have to say..that would be super cool. But if not, that's fine. Maybe my kid will enjoy reading his mama's thoughts when he can appreciate them.
I am a mother. I'm a wife. I have worn my hair natural for 5 years now, I'm a Certified Lactation Counselor. a Nutrition Peer Counselor. A public health worker, and drop out grad student (but not for long). I love music, reality shows (its my Achilles heel and kills my brains cells daily), good movies, sports, and I LOVE facebook and twitter (while you are at it follow me on twitter @BgRs)
what will this blog be about...lots of things. The blog pretty much explains itself...my thoughts. They could be right, wrong, but they are mine. All the things I listed above contribute to why I feel the way I feel. Just my form of expression and things I just need to say.
Well that's enough, for now. You will get to know my thoughts as I continue with this "blogging" thing. I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.
Toodles
I have been fighting this idea for a while now. Blog or not to blog. That is the question. I've always enjoyed writing and when I was teen it was the forum I used to express myself. As I got older and life "happened," I got away from writing. But recently, I was watching the interview Oprah did with J.K. Rowling (the author of all the Harry Potter books) it made me want to go back to the pen and paper. So here I am. I hope to have more followers and people love to hear what I have to say..that would be super cool. But if not, that's fine. Maybe my kid will enjoy reading his mama's thoughts when he can appreciate them.
I am a mother. I'm a wife. I have worn my hair natural for 5 years now, I'm a Certified Lactation Counselor. a Nutrition Peer Counselor. A public health worker, and drop out grad student (but not for long). I love music, reality shows (its my Achilles heel and kills my brains cells daily), good movies, sports, and I LOVE facebook and twitter (while you are at it follow me on twitter @BgRs)
what will this blog be about...lots of things. The blog pretty much explains itself...my thoughts. They could be right, wrong, but they are mine. All the things I listed above contribute to why I feel the way I feel. Just my form of expression and things I just need to say.
Well that's enough, for now. You will get to know my thoughts as I continue with this "blogging" thing. I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.
Toodles
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